11DPO Rant

I'm starting to believe that I'm out for this month. I feel like somehow we messed this all up this month. I can't help but doubt that all of the charting and ovulation tracking that I did this month was all false info. I must have made stuff up, or I misinterpreted everything and did it wrong. I keep having this doubt that I even ovulated at all and that I got that peak result on the OPK because the hormones from the BC finally left my system and messed me up. I know that as soon as you stop taking BC that the hormones leave your body 24 hours after your last pill, hence the reason why you need to take a pill every day. I had stopped taking the pill mid-pack due to experiencing breakthrough bleeding (AGAIN) and some other adverse side affects that was beginning to manifest. I had stopped taking it and was bleeding for like 7 total days including the spotting, so CLEARLY I KNOW that there shouldn't have been any trace artificial hormones left in my system by the time the bleeding stopped. I technically should have started on a "clean slate". But I still can't help but doubt. I took one of those standard pregnancy test strips today and got that BFN that I was dreading. I know it's still a little early, and I also didn't test with a super sensitive test (I purchased a pack of Pregmate test strips), but it was pretty discouraging to see the one line. 

I finally went to my GYN to get my physical exam done yesterday. She asked me how everything was going in the baby making department and I just told her that we're waiting to see what happens, which is true. Just because it seems like I cycled naturally this month does not mean that anything actually happened. I asked her if the symptoms I've been experiencing could be a good sign of pregnancy and she just told me that it could be, but more likely could be due to coming off of the pill, which I recognize to be the more logical answer. What she DID comment on that was unusual (for both of us) was that my cervix is far higher than it normally is. However, again, maybe this is just because of the fact that I'm not on the pill for the first time in years and her only experience with me as her patient has been with me on the pill. But of course I went home and I did what anybody else who is TTC would do and I Google searched for meaning in having a high positioned cervix so late in the menstrual cycle. On the internet it seems that a high positioned cervix post ovulation and close to menstruation is a possible indicator of pregnancy (hence why I took a test this morning). So, getting my hopes up after reading that and then getting the negative result today has really been putting so much doubt in myself. 

Anyway, assuming that I'm not actually pregnant from this cycle, next steps would be for me to go back to my doctor office to get baseline ultrasound and bloodwork done to check baseline hormone levels. Assuming I end up getting my period by next week, I will be calling to make an appointment to get those labs done and we'll go from there. She is really leaning more towards referring me to see a specialist pending the results of the labs, otherwise her plan is to attempt to get me on a medicated cycle for next month and see what happens with that.