9 Week Update

 So this past weekend we made the official announcement of our pregnancy on Instagram. I wanted to do a little Fall themed announcement since it's almost Fall and Hubby and I both really love the Fall season. I hand painted the pumpkins form stencils that I found online, and I'm really proud of how they turned out! I love simple crafts like this and it was fun to make. 

My appointment last week went well. I had an ultrasound to measure the baby and to hear the heartbeat. I got to see the little bean moving around in there. It was really cool to see how much it has changed from just a few weeks ago when I went in to get checked because of the spotting. My estimated due date is April 13, 2021. As of today I am now 9 weeks along, and baby has officially graduated to a fetus! According to my apps, it is roughly the size of a grape now and is probably moving around a lot. My belly is getting a bit bigger. I thought at first that it was just weight gain which had me all kinds of upset, but when I went to do the "jean test", I realized that it's just my little bump starting to form and show already when I found myself being able to zip up and button my jeans comfortably. I guess I'm just surprised and in denial of it because with my son I didn't start showing until I was like 14 weeks-ish. But I also have to keep reminding myself that 7 years ago I was a lot younger and much smaller in size than I am now. 

In addition to the ultrasound, I got some more blood work done and I had my first meeting and consult with my new doctor. She is really nice and understanding. She asked me some of the routine questions and then we discussed the complications that I had at the end of my last pregnancy. She found my chart from the hospital where I delivered my son (which will be the same one for this baby, too) and was especially concerned with my diagnosis of HELLP syndrome in addition to the preeclampsia. Based on my charts from the hospital, she suspects that my tending doctor at the time was overly optimistic with the diagnosis of preeclampsia. She said that by her standards, my labs reflected severe preeclampsia, or even just full blown eclampsia. She also questioned how my doctor at the time missed diagnosing me earlier since my symptoms and labs were so severe by the time that I went to the hospital. She asked me if I had missed any of my prenatal appointments as a possible cause for not catching it earlier. When I told her that I did not, she was very puzzled and flat out told me that she is surprised that my care was so poor at the time. She offered her reassurance that this pregnancy I will be monitored more frequently to prevent such a traumatic experience from happening again. She referred me to see a high risk specialist at the end of the month to have more specific labs done and to have a consult with one of the doctors to formulate a plan for prevention of developing preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome as much as possible. So far I am instructed to start taking a baby Aspirin daily starting at 12 weeks in addition to my prenatal vitamin. 

I am a bit nervous that I am classified as a high risk pregnancy, but I also kind of already knew that that would be the case. I just never imagined how serious these conditions can be and how having them once increases your risk of developing them again regardless of how far apart your pregnancies are from each other. As a result of the high risk status, and the fact that I had an emergency C-section the first time, my doctor is cautiously advising me to reconsider the idea of having a V-BAC with this pregnancy. Hearing that I may not be able to have a V-BAC was actually pretty heartbreaking for me since this was something that I had really wanted. I was unaware that the risk of uterine tearing is far higher after having a C-section even years after the surgery. I also did not know that induction is 100% not recommended after having a C-section, so going over my due date by even 1 day is completely out of the question. She did respect my desire to have a V-BAC, however, and agreed to let me have a trial of labor up until my due date permitting that mine and baby's health allows for it. If I go to my due date and there is no sign of labor coming on, she told me that I would have a scheduled C-section for the day after. On the one hand I am a bit relieved that she agreed to allow me to have a trial of labor, but on the other hand I am not going to get attached to the idea just in case if I have to go through the surgery again. Either way we will be having this baby either on the due date or the day after, so at least we know when to expect it and by when we need to have everything ready. 

So far at 9 weeks pregnant my symptoms are actually very different from my first pregnancy. I am extremely fatigued and could easily sleep all day if I was allowed to. The urge to pee is practically every hour on the hour. My sense of smell is still really heightened despite the fact that now I have developed nasal congestion. According to Hubby, I am snoring more loudly and intensely, which is definitely embarrassing. I am experiencing acid reflux, which is the one symptom that I was not looking forward to experiencing again. I am not as nauseas as I remember being the first time, so I'll take that lack of symptom as a welcome gift. My cravings so far have been almost exclusively for savory and flavorful foods. The one food that I think I could probably eat every day are tacos. Not sure why, but tacos just sound so perfect in every way these past few weeks. Sweets are pretty much the last thing that I want lately. That change in food preference is really dramatic for me since I normally have an insatiable sweet tooth. Even if I didn't tell Hubby that I was pregnant early on, he would have found out by now because I have been flat out rejecting all the sweets that I normally would have no problem eating. Overall, though, this pregnancy has been smooth sailing so far symptom-wise. I pray it stays this way until due date time. 

6 Week Update

So this past weekend Hubby and I went on a mini-vacation to my aunt's beach condo. It's about a 3 hour drive north from where we live. We wanted to get away to relax for a few days before the fall semester starts next week. Needless to say that the trip was anything but relaxing for me.

The evening after we got there, I noticed dark spots of old-looking blood on the tissue paper when I used the restroom before bed. I thought that it was a little strange, but I didn't concern myself about it too much. The following morning I woke up to the horrified sight of bright pink/red blood when I used the toilet. I was shocked and terrified and I didn't know what was going on. I went back to bed and woke up Hubby and told him that I thought that I might be having a miscarriage. We both cried for an hour in fear of what might actually be happening. It was Saturday, and my doctor's office was closed for the weekend so I couldn't call to get advice. And since I was out of town, I didn't know where to go to seek medical care. So all I could do was wait and see what happened. Throughout the day, though, I never experienced any flow of blood or sudden loss of my pregnancy symptoms. The spotting also went back to the old-blood/brown-looking color, and became inconsistent (meaning that I didn't see it with every trip to the bathroom). I never experienced any cramping or back pain, either. 

By Monday morning things were still pretty much the same as they had been all day Saturday and Sunday, but I had passed a clot about the size of half of my pinky finger. Of course I went ahead and called my doctor to get advice on what I should do. I explained everything to the nurse who relayed the information to the nurse practitioner. I was advised to rest as much as possible and go to the office on Wednesday (today) to check hCG levels and have an ultrasound done to rule out any possible complications. I was ridiculously anxious from Monday until this morning, and honestly I was expecting the worst. Thankfully, though, the ultrasound showed that I am indeed pregnant (with only one) and that it is growing in the uterus where it should be. My tubes and ovaries and the rest of my uterus all look normal, and the little bean is measuring a little smaller than expected, just 2 days behind my estimated due date based on my last period. The ultrasound tech explained that the first little dot at the top of image is the fetal pole, and the other small dot is the yolk sac. She told me that at this size the heartbeat is not detectable on the ultrasound, but by September when I go in for my first official visit I should be able to see it on the screen and possibly even hear it. If the little bean is still measuring a little bit behind, they may change my due date, but there is still plenty of time for the little one to grow and catch up.

Honestly, this is such a relief to me. I truly am thankful for the medical team that I have. They are so responsive and so sensitive to the patient's concerns. I am glad that they took my concerns seriously and had me go in to ease my fears rather than telling me that I am fine and to go to the hospital if I were really worried. Throughout all of this, though, I did not get an explanation for what exactly caused the bleeding. However, the ultrasound tech suspected that it could have been due to the corpus luteum left behind from ovulation. She said that sometimes it causes bleeding for no reason, but that it isn't dangerous to the fetus. 

Now that my fears have been put to rest, I think that I am able to finally relax a little more. I will definitely be staring at this photo for the next two weeks until we can get another one. Little bean is a determined little fighter, and already causing mama and papa a lot of trouble<3

 

Enjoying the Pregnancy Test Line Progression

 

Not sure if anyone else religiously follows the Reddit sub called /TFABLinePorn, but I happened to stumble upon it one day and I've been addicted to looking through all of the pregnancy tests that are posted by anonymous women. I love trying to decipher those squinters, and I enjoy looking at the pregnancy test line progressions. I finally had my own posts to share over there with my very own squinter and then more recently (today) I posted this picture of my own line progression. I think it's come a long way in only 6 days. My test from this morning can be considered a dye stealer now, and this I am very proud of!

I am now 14DPO, so about 4 weeks + 4 days pregnant according to LMP. So far I am feeling super tired! I am visiting the bathroom more frequently, including in the middle of the night, which is obviously disrupting my sleep and probably contributing to me feeling more tired. If this is only the beginning, I can only imagine how the rest of the pregnancy is going to be (lol). 

So far I am not feeling stomach sick, although today at the grocery store I had to tell Hubby that we needed to go home quick because something about walking through the fish and meat section made me suddenly feel unwell. Random thought, but for those individuals who believe that wearing masks "stops them from smelling", well, get pregnant and then tell me how "blocked" your sense of smell is (I only mention this because this was a legit argument presented by some idiot woman in Palm Beach County at a Town Hall meeting regarding the mandate of facial coverings in public spaces). Anyway, that woman's argument came to my mind the second I started feeling sick when I was in the grocery store, and I realized that it was because the smell of meat and fish was waaaayyyy too intense for me, even with a mask on. Myth completely debunked, if anyone was curious.

Anyway. Aside from the one instance of morning sickness (so far), and the excessive exhaustion, and the toilet being my second home, I think I'm doing pretty well. We have finally gotten the news out to our family and a handful of close friends and everyone is so excited for the good news, and everyone is also apparently hoping for a girl for us. We want a girl, too, but I we would be genuinely happy if we have a boy as well. I haven't told my son yet because I am still waiting for his special t-shirt to arrive in the mail. It should be here next week. I can't wait to see his reaction!

My first prenatal appointment is on September 2, which feels like forever away. Until then, though, I am going to enjoy every second of my 3 weeks off from school. It feels so great to have nothing to do and nothing to worry about. This break has been well deserved by the both of us, and this exciting news came at the perfect time as well! 

Big News!!!!!

We did it!! We are pregnant! We are so elated and still in disbelief. I found out on Sunday night and told Hubby on Monday morning. I surprised him with the baby onesie and the tests that I took and he simply had no words. He was all smiles. That smile has been stuck on his face all day and it makes me so happy to see how excited he is about becoming a dad. 

I made my first OB appointment this morning as well, and we are still in progress of informing family. We will make a social media announcement once I have the appointment with the doctor since I'll be able to have an ultrasound by then.

This is it. This is the next step in the journey! Let's hope and pray for a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. 

Things are Finally Happening!

Updated my pretty letter-board to be accurate and reflective of the decision that I made earlier this week to "restart" my cycle. I just felt like continuing on the same cycle count was wrong because the spotting lasted for more than two days. So yesterday was CD 17 and I finally got my positive OPKs! Practically all week I've had fertile cervical mucus, ovulation pain on the left side, and a fertile cervical position, but earlier in the week my OPK tests would come back negative as heck. I just trusted the physical signs that my body was giving me and told Hubby that it was time to BD. I think (and hope) that the timing was right and that I'll get my BFP this cycle.

On another note aside from the baby-making journey, things at home have been particularly stressful since the beginning of the month. I had a massive project that took more time to complete than I had anticipated, and at the same time I was dealing with my son's behavior issues, and my brother (who lives with us) and his potential exposure to someone with COVID. It's been a hell of a month, and I'm really looking forward to ending my summer semester next week. I am so burnt out and I feel like it's apparent in every aspect of my life, from school to interacting with my family and now even to trying to conceive. I'm just feeling emotionally and mentally exhausted and I desperately need a break. 

Can anyone else relate? 

Baby Names and Cycle Update!

So it's CD 21 now, and I still have not ovulated. I'm disappointed and frustrated, but I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that it's probably not gonna happen this cycle. That mid-cycle spotting I had at CD 12 lasted for 5 full days. I didn't know whether to re-start my CD count or not, so I just kept on going with the count from my last actual period. I did not bother to tell my doctor about it because when I mentioned it on the first day she didn't think it was a big deal, so I figured "why should I bother her about it?". I don't want to come off as a hypochondriac who complains and freaks out about every little thing that happens. Her suspicious was that it was ovulation-induced spotting, but I suspect stress. Since the beginning of this cycle I have been putting myself under A LOT of unnecessary stress with school, parenting, current events and TTC. I've been trying to give myself 100% into everything, and I can now recognize that I have been neglecting myself in the process. When it comes to TTC, neglecting my needs and not managing my stress is going to negatively effect my cycles. I know all of this, yet I continue to push myself beyond my limits anyway. My summer semester ends in 11 days, so self-care will definitely be a priority during my break. 

Onto the other topic that I wanted to discuss in this blog post: baby names! 

So, since we started with our TTC journey, I have been thinking a little bit about names that I'd like for our child(ren). It's kind of my way of staying positive and hopeful through this journey. I like to think that if I start picking a name, I will speak this future child into existence. Hubby, on the other hand, is too realistic and very stubborn, and he refuses to put any thought into picking names until there actually is a confirmed pregnancy. 

Picking names is hard, because I'm extremely picky with girl names, and I don't even really want to think about boy names because I am so fixated on wanting a girl. I want to pick something that is not basic, not common, but not too strange. We both come from Hispanic backgrounds, and he's also half Arab, so I suggested that we consider Arabic names. He agreed to that much, at least. I haven't even gotten through all of the potential Arabic names, but so far what I have seen is really not that appealing to me. So then I started thinking about the possibility of picking names based off of characters from the anime's and video games that we watch and play. Hubby is not totally opposed to this idea, but he's also not super convinced either because he doesn't want to be "the guy who named his kid from a TV show". Anyway, after thinking about it now for 3 months, I came up with my own short list of names that I am leaning in favor of:

-Emilia

-Kaisa

-Ahren 

Emilia is the name of one of the protagonists from the Re:Zero series. At first I hated the character, and I just thought that was a useless girl with a bad attitude and lack of appreciation for the male protagonist. But, since the release of some new content (and finally the second season), I have grown to like her more. Emilia is a really cute name, with possibilities for some adorable nicknames (Emmy, Lia). It sounds English enough to not be considered strange, and it also works well in Spanish. Emilia means "to strive or excel or rival", and I kind of like that. It's cute, girly, not totally weird, and strong. 

Kaisa is the name of a character from League of Legends. The champion's name is spelled Kai'sa in the game. She is one of hubby's main champions that he plays, so I thought that it would have some significant meaning for the both of us, in addition to just being a badass sounding name. Kaisa is Finnish in origin and it means "pure". 

Ahren is the only boy name that I have picked so far. I got the idea because of one our manga/anime series (Attack on Titan) has a protagonist named Eren. I don't particularly like that spelling of the name, though. I also detest the Aaron spelling!!! Ahren came up in my search of Arabic names for boys. It apparently has a Hebrew and German origin. In Hebrew the name means "mountain of strength". In German it means "eagle". Hubby's first name means "falcon", so I really liked the idea that his son could also have a bird-related name. 

Picking names is both fun and a little nerve-wracking. The name has to fit the child just as much as you as the parent has to like it. I'd love to hear your stories about the origins of your child's (or future child's) names! 

Spotting at CD12 and Ultrasound Results

So this morning I went to do my ClearBlue OPK, and when I wiped I saw brown bloody discharge on the toilet paper. I was shocked. I automatically went back to remembering when this used to happen to me all the time before I ever went on any hormonal birth control. Bleeding in between my cycles every month was the norm for me years ago, but I always attributed it to my diagnosis of PCOS. 

Speaking of diagnosis, according to my ultrasound that I had last week, no cysts were visible on my ovaries and they are measuring normal in size. So my doctor is officially not diagnosing me with PCOS. But she does want me to redo my scans and bloods again in 3 months if I'm not pregnant by then.

Anyway, the ClearBlue OPK is negative, but I did a Premom brand strip and its coming back more strongly than it was yesterday. Went up from 3.5 to 7.5. So now I'm just really confused about what it is happening. I'm bleeding, and when I wipe you would think I was menstruating, yet it's not flowing enough to be a period. And then my OPK strips are still rising? I happen to speak to my doctor today because she called me with my results, and I brought this up to her, but she doesn't think that it's completely abnormal. She says that this might be a positive sign of ovulation coming. But like, who wants to have baby making sex when they are bleeding? That sounds super counterproductive and a huge turn off. 

I hope this stops tomorrow and I still get my positive OPK... Right now I'm just discouraged and confused. 

Third Time's the Charm?

10/11DPO

So this month I decided to try out Fertility Friend as I keep seeing the charts shared on the TTC Reddit forums (which I have become addicted to btw) and other chat rooms. I'm liking it so far, but a bit disappointed to find out that you have to pay after your first month "trial". The basic version is so bland and useless, so there really isn't a point to keeping it after this is up (my opinion). 

Anyway, since I downloaded that app, I now have a total of 4 cycle tracking apps that I am constantly logging stuff into. The problem now is that my ovulation day for this cycle is evenly split between them. 2 apps are logging my ovulation day as June 11 (that would make me 11DPO as of writing this), and the other 2 have me at June 12 (10DPO). 

Well, obviously I am confused as to why there is a discrepancy between all of the apps considering that I log everything exactly the same in all of them. And I'm also disappointed now, too, because I tested yesterday (you know, being Father's Day and all) and both my Pregmate strip and my FRER both came up unmistakably negative. Like, not even a shadow line, no squinting needed, nada. Just clear as day one line. I know I tested a little bit early, and until AF shows I have no reason not to suspect that I may be pregnant. But still, not seeing even the slightest of faint lines, ESPECIALLY on a hyper sensitive test like a FRER is just soul crushing. I'm just gonna go ahead and call it that this second cycle is not a success. AF, you can come any day now so we can get moving onto the next! Please and thank you! 

Cycle 2 Update and Labs Follow-Up

So quick update post: I started using Clear Blue OPKs this cycle in addition to my seemingly never-ending supply of Pregmate test strips. I like the Clear Blue OPK because it really does take the guess work out of interpreting the test results. Also, I appreciate that this test type in particular also detects rise in estrogen level before it begins to detect LH, which is another thing that I found to be really helpful in confirming other things like CM quality and type. So for example, when I finally got my peak reading, I also had a ridiculous amount of CM discharge. Because of the peak fertility reading, I knew with confidence that it was EWCM and that it was GO TIME! 

Last week my blood work results were sent back to my doctor, and she called me immediately to share the findings. She said that overall everything she tested for looked good and was within normal limits. She highlighted that my male hormone levels were slightly elevated, though, but that it is still within normal limits and she would like me to get repeat blood work in 4 months. I ended up failing to go back to the office to get a baseline ultrasound done primarily because I forgot about scheduling it along with my blood work. So she told me to just have it done next cycle assuming I don't fall pregnant. So overall she told me that based on the blood work and previous ultrasounds that I've done, that I am NOT QUITE considered to have PCOS, but that it is something to continue monitoring. 

So obviously I am a little relieved to hear that I do not have a full-blown, obviously clear diagnosis of PCOS, but I can't help but feel a little stuck. I'm just in-between. So, in other words, if I fail to get pregnant on my own, there is not going to be a clear root cause to explain it, and that's a little worrisome to me considering that I'm trying to get pregnant as soon as possible to prevent further ovarian dysfunction. Once again, though, my doctor stressed to me that she wants me to call her if my cycle goes longer than 35 days to get my period induced, and that she is still considering on sending me a fertility specialist if I don't end up, or stop, ovulating on my own. Which, so far is not looking like is gonna be the case. Keeping all fingers and toes crossed and saying lots of prayers for the next 2 weeks. So now it begins...

Day 4 Doctor Appointment!

New Cycle, New Attempt!

So my first cycle off of birth control has come to an end today. It lasted exactly 30 days. While on the one hand I am a little bit disappointed that we didn't get stupid lucky on our first attempt, I am also feeling really proud of my body for being able to go through and cycle all on it's own. That is a huge accomplishment in my book. I would say that the charting of my BBT helped me TREMENDOUSLY to see where I was in my cycle. This morning when I took my temp I saw that I went back down to the 97s so I knew my period was coming based on all the research I've done this month. It did make me happy to see that I was correct.

I called my doctor today to let her know that I started my period all on my own, and her nursing staff is working hard with reception staff to book me an appointment for me to go in and do my blood work between tomorrow and Friday. Hopefully we will be able to determine once and for all if I actually have PCOS and get a more concrete answer on what our next steps should be for this next cycle and moving forward.

11DPO Rant

I'm starting to believe that I'm out for this month. I feel like somehow we messed this all up this month. I can't help but doubt that all of the charting and ovulation tracking that I did this month was all false info. I must have made stuff up, or I misinterpreted everything and did it wrong. I keep having this doubt that I even ovulated at all and that I got that peak result on the OPK because the hormones from the BC finally left my system and messed me up. I know that as soon as you stop taking BC that the hormones leave your body 24 hours after your last pill, hence the reason why you need to take a pill every day. I had stopped taking the pill mid-pack due to experiencing breakthrough bleeding (AGAIN) and some other adverse side affects that was beginning to manifest. I had stopped taking it and was bleeding for like 7 total days including the spotting, so CLEARLY I KNOW that there shouldn't have been any trace artificial hormones left in my system by the time the bleeding stopped. I technically should have started on a "clean slate". But I still can't help but doubt. I took one of those standard pregnancy test strips today and got that BFN that I was dreading. I know it's still a little early, and I also didn't test with a super sensitive test (I purchased a pack of Pregmate test strips), but it was pretty discouraging to see the one line. 

I finally went to my GYN to get my physical exam done yesterday. She asked me how everything was going in the baby making department and I just told her that we're waiting to see what happens, which is true. Just because it seems like I cycled naturally this month does not mean that anything actually happened. I asked her if the symptoms I've been experiencing could be a good sign of pregnancy and she just told me that it could be, but more likely could be due to coming off of the pill, which I recognize to be the more logical answer. What she DID comment on that was unusual (for both of us) was that my cervix is far higher than it normally is. However, again, maybe this is just because of the fact that I'm not on the pill for the first time in years and her only experience with me as her patient has been with me on the pill. But of course I went home and I did what anybody else who is TTC would do and I Google searched for meaning in having a high positioned cervix so late in the menstrual cycle. On the internet it seems that a high positioned cervix post ovulation and close to menstruation is a possible indicator of pregnancy (hence why I took a test this morning). So, getting my hopes up after reading that and then getting the negative result today has really been putting so much doubt in myself. 

Anyway, assuming that I'm not actually pregnant from this cycle, next steps would be for me to go back to my doctor office to get baseline ultrasound and bloodwork done to check baseline hormone levels. Assuming I end up getting my period by next week, I will be calling to make an appointment to get those labs done and we'll go from there. She is really leaning more towards referring me to see a specialist pending the results of the labs, otherwise her plan is to attempt to get me on a medicated cycle for next month and see what happens with that.