Things are Finally Happening!

Updated my pretty letter-board to be accurate and reflective of the decision that I made earlier this week to "restart" my cycle. I just felt like continuing on the same cycle count was wrong because the spotting lasted for more than two days. So yesterday was CD 17 and I finally got my positive OPKs! Practically all week I've had fertile cervical mucus, ovulation pain on the left side, and a fertile cervical position, but earlier in the week my OPK tests would come back negative as heck. I just trusted the physical signs that my body was giving me and told Hubby that it was time to BD. I think (and hope) that the timing was right and that I'll get my BFP this cycle.

On another note aside from the baby-making journey, things at home have been particularly stressful since the beginning of the month. I had a massive project that took more time to complete than I had anticipated, and at the same time I was dealing with my son's behavior issues, and my brother (who lives with us) and his potential exposure to someone with COVID. It's been a hell of a month, and I'm really looking forward to ending my summer semester next week. I am so burnt out and I feel like it's apparent in every aspect of my life, from school to interacting with my family and now even to trying to conceive. I'm just feeling emotionally and mentally exhausted and I desperately need a break. 

Can anyone else relate? 

Baby Names and Cycle Update!

So it's CD 21 now, and I still have not ovulated. I'm disappointed and frustrated, but I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that it's probably not gonna happen this cycle. That mid-cycle spotting I had at CD 12 lasted for 5 full days. I didn't know whether to re-start my CD count or not, so I just kept on going with the count from my last actual period. I did not bother to tell my doctor about it because when I mentioned it on the first day she didn't think it was a big deal, so I figured "why should I bother her about it?". I don't want to come off as a hypochondriac who complains and freaks out about every little thing that happens. Her suspicious was that it was ovulation-induced spotting, but I suspect stress. Since the beginning of this cycle I have been putting myself under A LOT of unnecessary stress with school, parenting, current events and TTC. I've been trying to give myself 100% into everything, and I can now recognize that I have been neglecting myself in the process. When it comes to TTC, neglecting my needs and not managing my stress is going to negatively effect my cycles. I know all of this, yet I continue to push myself beyond my limits anyway. My summer semester ends in 11 days, so self-care will definitely be a priority during my break. 

Onto the other topic that I wanted to discuss in this blog post: baby names! 

So, since we started with our TTC journey, I have been thinking a little bit about names that I'd like for our child(ren). It's kind of my way of staying positive and hopeful through this journey. I like to think that if I start picking a name, I will speak this future child into existence. Hubby, on the other hand, is too realistic and very stubborn, and he refuses to put any thought into picking names until there actually is a confirmed pregnancy. 

Picking names is hard, because I'm extremely picky with girl names, and I don't even really want to think about boy names because I am so fixated on wanting a girl. I want to pick something that is not basic, not common, but not too strange. We both come from Hispanic backgrounds, and he's also half Arab, so I suggested that we consider Arabic names. He agreed to that much, at least. I haven't even gotten through all of the potential Arabic names, but so far what I have seen is really not that appealing to me. So then I started thinking about the possibility of picking names based off of characters from the anime's and video games that we watch and play. Hubby is not totally opposed to this idea, but he's also not super convinced either because he doesn't want to be "the guy who named his kid from a TV show". Anyway, after thinking about it now for 3 months, I came up with my own short list of names that I am leaning in favor of:

-Emilia

-Kaisa

-Ahren 

Emilia is the name of one of the protagonists from the Re:Zero series. At first I hated the character, and I just thought that was a useless girl with a bad attitude and lack of appreciation for the male protagonist. But, since the release of some new content (and finally the second season), I have grown to like her more. Emilia is a really cute name, with possibilities for some adorable nicknames (Emmy, Lia). It sounds English enough to not be considered strange, and it also works well in Spanish. Emilia means "to strive or excel or rival", and I kind of like that. It's cute, girly, not totally weird, and strong. 

Kaisa is the name of a character from League of Legends. The champion's name is spelled Kai'sa in the game. She is one of hubby's main champions that he plays, so I thought that it would have some significant meaning for the both of us, in addition to just being a badass sounding name. Kaisa is Finnish in origin and it means "pure". 

Ahren is the only boy name that I have picked so far. I got the idea because of one our manga/anime series (Attack on Titan) has a protagonist named Eren. I don't particularly like that spelling of the name, though. I also detest the Aaron spelling!!! Ahren came up in my search of Arabic names for boys. It apparently has a Hebrew and German origin. In Hebrew the name means "mountain of strength". In German it means "eagle". Hubby's first name means "falcon", so I really liked the idea that his son could also have a bird-related name. 

Picking names is both fun and a little nerve-wracking. The name has to fit the child just as much as you as the parent has to like it. I'd love to hear your stories about the origins of your child's (or future child's) names! 

Spotting at CD12 and Ultrasound Results

So this morning I went to do my ClearBlue OPK, and when I wiped I saw brown bloody discharge on the toilet paper. I was shocked. I automatically went back to remembering when this used to happen to me all the time before I ever went on any hormonal birth control. Bleeding in between my cycles every month was the norm for me years ago, but I always attributed it to my diagnosis of PCOS. 

Speaking of diagnosis, according to my ultrasound that I had last week, no cysts were visible on my ovaries and they are measuring normal in size. So my doctor is officially not diagnosing me with PCOS. But she does want me to redo my scans and bloods again in 3 months if I'm not pregnant by then.

Anyway, the ClearBlue OPK is negative, but I did a Premom brand strip and its coming back more strongly than it was yesterday. Went up from 3.5 to 7.5. So now I'm just really confused about what it is happening. I'm bleeding, and when I wipe you would think I was menstruating, yet it's not flowing enough to be a period. And then my OPK strips are still rising? I happen to speak to my doctor today because she called me with my results, and I brought this up to her, but she doesn't think that it's completely abnormal. She says that this might be a positive sign of ovulation coming. But like, who wants to have baby making sex when they are bleeding? That sounds super counterproductive and a huge turn off. 

I hope this stops tomorrow and I still get my positive OPK... Right now I'm just discouraged and confused.